1. Top 12 Reasons Why Our Administration Won't Last
2. What is Wayzata Most Known For
3. Five of the Many Administrators’ Christmas Presents Paid for By Parking Permit Money
4. Top 16 Emerging Rap Artists in the “Hip-Hop” Music Scene
5. Top Five Things to do in the Halls While Ditching
6. Top Reasons Why Our Paper is Better Than the Trojan Tribune
7. Top Four Things That Are Extremely Annoying By Now
8. Top Ten Reasons the Trojan Tirade Doesn't Give a Damn About "Ethics"

Top 12 Reasons Why Our Administration Won’t Last:
Because 10 is too easy to think of. (Send your ideas to TrojanTirade@hotmail.com)

1. New TV show on Comedy Central this fall, “Win Craig Paul’s Money”

2. Every Friday, the administration swaps medication.

3. Failure to install escalators or teleports when the school was built.

4. Failure to promote Caribou Coffee as declared in contract.

5. The so-called “ravioli” served at “Planet 284” this month was just upgraded to a class four biological danger.

6.  The road coming up to the school was made too narrow for most moms to fit their leather-bound SUV’s through.

7. The respect the administration shows towards the students and what they expect back don’t balance out.

8. Failure to show respect towards students for the type of coat they choose to wear, regardless of how much it costed them before some incident that occurred half way across the country.

9. Although the Wayzata Window celebrated their tenth customer in all its days, they still found themselves in the hole and expect to see future sales declining due to their biggest competitor-Target.

10. They give away too much money in rewards at the end of the year for senior pranks.

11. They can’t keep track of a single microphone during our lunch period, how are they going to give “character and scholarship” to a few thousand students for “life”.

12. Rental cops out on Peony.

Six Things Wayzata is Known For:

1. Highly oppressive administration.
2. The wasted tax dollars on unused technology.
3. Really big school, itty bitty flag.
4. Like, I don't know. I transferred in from Blake.
5. National school of "Look what mommy and daddy bought me!"
6. Land of 10,000 Soccer Moms.

Five of the Many Administrators’ Christmas Presents Paid for By Parking Permit Money:

1. Connie Lewis-An axe so she can finish off heart week completely.

2. Sally-She got her new Dodge Intrepid before Christmas.

3. Rhonda Dean-New trench coat, formerly worn by Jeff Elavsky, which was originally purchased during the Columbine mess.

4. Mr. Biagini-Radio Shack battery card to keep a fresh supply of walkie-talkies ready for use.

5. Mr. Elavsky-Book entitled “Insubordination and Unethical Ways to Oppress in the 90’s”

 Top 16 Emerging Rap Artists in the “Hip-Hop” Music Scene:

16. Outfast
15. Master Bea
14. Sir Mix-Some-What
13. Crap Daddy
12. Fruity Felon
11. DM Sex
10. LL Cool Fay
 9. 2 Live Peekaboo
 8. Jay-Pee
 7. MC Ebonics
 6. Ice Boob
 5. Poop Dogg
 4. 40 Oz Freddie
 3. West Coast Willie
 2. MC Forgiveness
 1. Gangsta Grandma

Top 5 Things to do in the Hall While Ditching:

1. Marco Polo.
2. Talk to the illegal immigrant who works inside of the Coke machine.
3. Peer inside the two-way mirror, er.. “Electrical Rooms”.
4. Distribute window cranks.
5. Interrupt hall monitors that are just “friends”.

Top 11 Reasons Why Our Paper is Better Than the Trojan Tribune:

1. It’s not the same regurgitated crappings of that girl in the “journalism” class.

2. Tree huggers like the Trojan Tirade better because you don’t see it crumpled up on the floor in the hallway like you would with that other paper.

3. Ours is easier to make an airplane with.

4. We write our own columns.

5. No commercial advertising.

6. Contains no recycled articles.

7. Teachers read it in the hallways.

8. We express multiple opinions, not just the approved ones.

9. Tirade solves traffic problems.

10. Less trees killed plus more content equals a better paper.

11. Less bitching.

Top 4 Things That Are Extremely Annoying By Now:
(Because 1 is too easy to think of)

1. Furbies, Pokeman, Beanie Babies
2. Administration barking at students as they walk through the doors on a cold day, “take that hat off or I’ll beat you senseless with my wooden leg.”
3. Mrs. Frisky locking the doors on students as they’re walking in only on subzero degree days resulting in a tardy.
4.  Anything that deals with mojo.  

Top 9 Reasons the Trojan Tirade Doesn't Give a Damn About "Ethics":
In response to Newsbreak for February 29th, so this would be far from factual.

1. Nobody who writes for the Trojan Tirade is, or claims to be, and ethical person.
2. We save space in our Editorial Policy = More content for you.
3. We actually want people to read our paper.
4. The "ethics" that the "administration" feed us interfere with what the Trojan Tirade stand for.
5. The  "administration" claims to be ethical.. makes you think, eh?
6. Ethics spelled backward is Scihte, which is German for "recycled"
7. A non-ethical person claiming to do ethical things is called a "politician"
8. Adolf Hitler lived by a strict ethical code.
9. If we were an "ethical" paper, we might end up as boring as the Trojan Tribune.
   (We really can't back up #6, just proving our point.)